Thursday, 29 April 2010

Who came first the chicken or the egg?

Ahhhh a nice easy one to start with. Well, I'm gonna presume you meant 'what' on that one & here goes......

As everyone knows it was the chicken that came first. You've all seen the greetings card with the picture of the chicken smoking a cigarette on it & the egg lying on the bed saying 'well I guess that answers that one then!'. What's the matter with you, don't you believe it?

Anyway. I think there was perhaps a time when chickens weren't here in their normal chicken form as we know it. There must have been some kind of dinosaur chicken at some point. It was probably about 14 feet tall & had big back legs & no feathers, tiny forearms that were useless for anything & a mouthful of teeth. Now as dinosaurs go, 14 feet isn't really that big & seeing as they had tiny arms that were completely useless I expect one day they got together for a bit of a cluck (or a rawr depending) & decided to use the arms for some good after all.

The clever ones (I know, I know, bit of a contradiction but's my story) got together & found out they could genetically modify future generations & turn them into the kind of shape & size they'd like to be themselves. Not bigger, dinosaurs were huge & bigger would be hard, so they made them smaller. Chicken sized in fact. Then they decided they kinda liked the fluffy look that some of the birdlike dinosaurs were wearing that season & added a bit of that in too. So to recap, they were now going to be very small & covered in feathers, so safe (below the line of sight of the big buggers) & warm. Of course, being so small they didn't need that huge mouthful of teeth so they got rid of those & elongated the mouth so it could poke in tiny cracks looking for food. I think they were also aiming for flight but they only had the little crappy arms to work with & although they could fashion a type of wing, it did bugger all when it came to flying.

So, a new breed was created & it took the dinosaurs a lifetime of experiment to get it as right as they could. They worked day & night on it & completely forgot about having any normal baby dinosaurs in the excitement. They died off one by one. The very last one may have realised, on his death pile of jungle leaves, that they'd made a huge mistake and created something that would be eaten forevermore. Farmed even. The last thought that went through his very small brain might have been 'fuck' who knows.

That's my take on how chickens were created & this story may go some way into explaining the extinction of certain types of dinosaurs as well. I feel quite justified in my comparisons because I've seen pictures of Tyrannosaurus Rex's feet & they look just like chickens feet, only bigger!

By the way, did you mean 'a chickens egg' or 'the egg' coz I expect 'the egg' was around before 'a chickens egg' but that depends what you mean by 'a chickens egg'. Do you define 'a chickens egg' as something that was laid by a chicken, or something that a chicken emerged from? Either way, I think it was the chicken!


Flowerpot said...

Hmmm well that was a good start! Anyone should be able to post comments now.

Flame said...


Why are they called hard shoulders?